Live freaky, die freaky

I dyed my hair an insanely bright color of red and I'm not sure if I like it yet or not. And I'm too tired to take a "today" picture of me, so have a really bad facebook photo instead.

I felt like I should post today because lately I've been feeling really happy with myself and somewhat of my life as well and I think I should try to focus a bit on that and try to have that feeling last as long as I can before I hit that rut again. I know I will hit it, that's the joys of depression, but it doesn't mean that I can still try and be happy. Recently I haven't had any thoughts of self-harm or suicide. I haven't contemplated killing myself like I have been for the past while. I was supposed to see my psychologist this month, which I was really in need of, but I can't see her until the end of January. Oh the joys of living in a small town .___.

But lately I don't feel like I need to see her so badly anymore. Like I said, I've been in a more positive mood- very chipper. I noticed it whenever I started hanging out with Scott and Kelsey. (Scott is Transgender as well) They're just... really good friends. I mean really good. To me, they are seriously the best friends I had ever had in my life. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable around someone before as I do with them. They're like family, maybe even closer in a way... Can friends be closer than family? I'm not even sure how to describe it exactly, but I'll try... 

With all of the friends that I've had in the past (And with this I mean RL friends, not Online friends, okay?) I've always felt a little uncomfortable with them. I always felt like I had to watch what I was saying and what I was doing. I always felt like I was being judged, like they all looked down on me or something. I just felt like I wasn't needed, that I felt like an attachment that shouldn't be there. I felt so out of place, regardless of whichever friend(s) I was with. But with Scott and Kelsey... I feel like I can TRULY be myself. I don't have to be uncomfortable in my own skin when around them and I always feel immediately happy when around them. I think they are my true best friends. The first real ones I've ever had. I don't feel as if they're judging me, I don't feel like a third wheel, I just feel like they make me belong. I actually don't get nervous when we plan to hang out or anything and I've never had that before. Whenever I would plan to hang out with my past friends, I'd always get severely nervous and sometimes my stomach would get upset because of how anxious I felt. But with Scott and Kelsey, I don't get that feeling. I just get really happy and excited to see them. It kind of makes me understand the feeling that Charlie would experience whenever he was hanging out with his friends. That he was truly happy, that he felt infinite. (Charlie is from The Perks of Being a Wallflower) I still don't know if I explained it well enough. But I do love these guys. And I hope I don't ever lose them because I'm afraid of the kind of mood I might end up in if I do lose them. They're not fake, they're not judgemental. I don't feel like I'm constantly under scrutiny being with them. And I always had those feelings with past friends and I lost all but one of them whenever I came out as Trans, so that just goes to show how they weren't ever my friends at all. But Scott and Kelsey are and that makes me very happy.

In other news, I saw my doctor yesterday about my nose. He says I have sinusitis like my brother (who he constantly said was a nice boy and how we look very similar) And he said that I'm probably allergic to my pets and suggested that I "get rid" (He said it nicer) of them. And right away, I said no lol. Honestly, I'd rather suffer than give up my babies, especially Smokey. I've had her since I was 9, so I ain't getting rid of her now. You couldn't pay me enough to do that. So instead he said I should keep them out of my room... but I haven't really been doing that either... oops. I've been keeping the dog out if that counts .__. Although I feel like shit because he's stuck in the living room all by himself. So tomorrow, I will probably let him in while mum is at work. It's like denying your child attention when they're crying to have it, just to be in your company makes them content. So why would you tell them no? Especially if you love them? I know I wouldn't... Except at night lmao. No pets in my room when I'm trying to sleep haha. Put I am washing my hands more often and I should probably wash my bedding and vacuum more often as well. Yeah... Also, I almost died this morning. My doctor told me to get a nasal rinse thing to help clear my sinuses, and I used it this morning... I swear I was gonna drown omg. Basically you're squirting salt-water up one nostril until the water comes out on the OTHER SIDE A;LSDKJFASDNF;ASILDFJ. And then you repeat for the other nostril. The whole time I was like "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" It didn't hurt or anything, but it was just the most uncomfortable thing I ever experienced. And now I get to do it EVERY DAY YAY. Oh me... anyways...

Ahh... One other thing I want to mention because I'm still thinking about it.

On Sunday, before mum and I went for groceries, we went to fill up on gas and so I was just chillin' like a villain in the passenger seat and I happen to look up and see a guy that looks EXACTLY like Gary Lightbody, walk out of the gas station with a coffee and head to his car. My jaw dropped and I almost screamed. I seriously almost had a fanboy meltdown. For real I thought it was him. But I checked the Snow Patrol tour dates and it said they were in the States on the other side of the country, so.... It wasn't him. I was let down, but also glad because if it were him, then that meant that I missed him and couldn't get a hug and or autograph *A* So yeah... THERE'S THAT STORY. I'm such a weird person, I really am. I just love that man too much, regardless of his age difference. 

I think I'll leave this post at that. (So awkward D:)

If there's a rocket, tie me to it.

Yeah I do still enjoy using makeup from time to time, but unlike when I was female, now I just use it to fool around, experiment, and just have fun. I think I sort of went for a tribal look here. Not sure what the point was, I just kind of let the brush do as it pleased. It's 07.05 here right now and I have to try and type quietly since my Mum is getting ready for work and I should be sound asleep at the moment. I have a feeling I will get caught either way, but at least I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore; I sneaked downstairs and used the bathroom down there while Mum was in the shower. So I'm good for another bit! 

Anyway... I'm 19 as of last fredag. (Learning the "Danish days of the week"  I'm so slow orz) I never asked for anything so instead, on lørdag, Mum took me to the Calgary Zoo. When we first got there, it started to rain and hail like crazy! So we had to seek shelter under one of the buildings. The hail stones were just a bit smaller than a golf ball. After I think, twenty minutes, the rain went away and it was quite sunny for the rest of the day. We saw lots of animals and I could tell that Mum had lots of fun too. Even though it was my birthday, Mum hasn't been to the zoo in over twenty years- where I've been three times in the last couple of years I was in school. She was very excited when the weather turned nice, so I wanted to show her all the neat animals! In the end, we didn't get to see the elephants, the penguins, or the Canadian Wildlife section. We may go next weekend to see what we missed- depending on weather. But yeah, we were there for four hours and still didn't see everything! I would have liked to have seen the dinosaur section too, but Mum thinks it's boring, so I didn't bother asking. Besides, I've seen it before anyways!

Then on søndag, we travelled up to my Real Home- The Mountains!! We decided to go through Kootenay this time, since Mum and I really love that park- very beautiful~ We did a bit of hiking and just enjoyed the lovely smell of the trees and the pure majestic view of the Rocky Mountains. We also visited the beloved Simpson River. Not only is the view magnificent, but it shares the same last name as mine! I do love my last name- I'm sure I've mentioned that before haha. And we didn't arrive home until almost 21.00! Mum also said that we might be able to sneak a few more trips to the mountains before winter settles in. I love the mountains best in the winter, but it's very dangerous to travel there during that time, so I understand. I'm just thankful for the few trips I do get to travel home. I feel relaxed and calm just thinking about it. One day, if I do manage to get my Driver's Licence, I wish to put my Snow Patrol on repeat and just roam the mountain highways. Just to get lost with nature. Maybe go on a few hiking trips myself like I did in Newfoundland. Just to escape and let my true home envelop me in comfort. (Until I get eaten by bears hahahahahaha! Just kidding~)

Material wise, when I was at the zoo, I bought myself a large wolf hat (fake of course, no worries) It has really long ear flaps and at the bottom of them, they have little pockets to put my hands in. I absolutely adore hats in that style. I just wish it wasn't over $31 .___. I really need to watch my spending since I don't have a job or anything. It's just so easy to spend money with a bank card Dx  The other "material wise" thing I got for my birthday, which my Mum bought, was a really cool Dragon ornament. I believe he's perching on an old decaying building with pillars and he has his wings curved around this glass plate. Under the plate, there's this transparent red hollow cylinder with flames painted on it. Then inside the cylinder, there's a light and I can control the brightness with a dial. I hope I described it proper. I haven't admired it enough yet to remember it's details, but I can promise you that it is very lovely! The plate is supposed to be for that scented liquid stuff that makes the room smell nice once it's heated, but instead I've just put a bunch of shells from Newfoundland in it since the original container for them is really overflowing haha. 

On a new topic, lately I've been really itching to make a webcomic of some sorts. But I hardly have the creative juices for it! D: I want it to be a sort of yaoi/boylove comic, but not in the typical style of the Uke/Seme universe where it's all like Uke: "BAKA!! Get away from me!" Seme: "No I love you. Let me molest you some more" Then, Uke: "Omg turns out I loved him all along! I don't ever want to leave him!" Because, as funny as it is, it does get overplayed way too much lmao. I just wish I had the creativity to come up with something good! I'd like it to be kind of Final Fantasy-ish too. Their stories are always so.... so deep and heart-clinging y'know?

I guess I'll go for now since I've updated a lot recently.