And I'll spill like a leak in the basement.

For this post, I want to talk about mostly talk about the visit I had at the gender clinic in Edmonton. It was a four and a half hour drive to get there and since mum insisted on leaving early, we got there two hours before the actual appointment, so we had to hang around the hospital until then. That waiting period was horrible. Waiting always gets my nerves up, but I did feel a little better after I had a large jell-o cup thing. 
Anyways, when I got into the actual waiting room after I signed in, my nerves immediately vanished. I guess my excitement overtook my feelings then and I am definitely not complaining about that. Beforehand, I was scared though because my psychiatrist had me to believe that Alberta believed in the whole "You gotta be Trans* enough" thing. So I was afraid the gender clinic would be the same with me since my psychiatrist had already told me I wasn't Transgender enough. But after I filled out my papers, I talked to two of the specialists interns, Simmone and Carol. Carol being an MtF who transitioned in the 80's. She was training to be another gender specialist for Alberta, which was really good to hear. So I had to tell those two my "story" and Simmone took a bunch of notes and then later briefed Dr. Warneke about me before he came in. And let me tell you, really fricken impressed with him. And the interns too! Seriously I was so amazed about the appointment, I told them what was going on and what I wanted and they were all on board. Earlier, Simmone had asked me what made me the most dysphoric about my body and I told her my voice and chest. She glanced at my chest and frowned and said, "But your chest isn't that big...?" I responded by saying I bind and Carol and Simmone looked at each other then back to me and Simmone asked, "How big is your chest size?"  And I said "D-34 and both their jaws dropped, I couldn't help but laugh. It was just so funny seeing the shock on their faces. They said that they never would have guessed that.  Then afterwards, Dr. Warneke mentioned about my chest and said he would refer me to a surgeon for a mastectomy and also said it would be covered by Alberta Health. I was so relieved that it would be covered omg. I was so happy too and he also said that he was going to refer me to an endocrinologist as well. (Which would also be covered by my mum's healthcare!!) Overall it was just a really good day from there. We all spent over an hour talking about this lol. I just couldn't get over how understanding and how "on-board" they were with me. No nonsense about not being "Trans* enough"  The reason why I was so worried was because my psychologist learned under Dr. Warneke, she said that the doctor was her mentor, so immediately I was like "oh no... This won't be good" But it was completely the opposite. So I have a feeling come January when I see her, I'm gonna tell her what's what. In your face! Haha. But yeah, life is moving forward in the Trans* department for me. I figured it wouldn't be until years from now because of all the costs and everything, but no, since it's covered, I don't have to worry about money. I am very lucky that way. It will cost money for bottom surgery, but unlike my psychologist said, I don't have to get it if I don't feel the need to. And I really don't since it's just so unreliable and dangerous right now. I wouldn't mind getting the clitoral lengthening though. I'm fine with that. But the phalloplasty is out of the question until there's improvements on it and it's actually a bit more affordable... Plus I don't exactly feel comfortable travelling all the way to Serbia for it either.

My psychologist told me that in Alberta, you have to get Testosterone first, then two years after you can get chest surgery and then after you have to get bottom surgery. And you HAVE to get all the other surgeries along with that. You can't just have T or just top surgery. You HAVE TO DO ALL OF IT. And therefore she said I wasn't Trans* enough because I told her I was uncomfortable with bottom surgery.

But Dr. Warneke said and proved otherwise, and so I am extremely pleased with him and his interns and I am finally happy. And I can't wait to tell my councillor the good news too.

And later on I am helping my friend Ray from Hong Kong with a study report that her and a few of her classmates are doing. I think I mentioned it before (curse this damn memory!) So I am going to be doing that tonight. I really hope I'm not too awkward about it. Then later on in the weeks or something, a co-worker of my Mum's wants to talk to me about it- she's just friendly curious about it and just wants to see Transgenderism from my point of view. I think that's nice and wouldn't mind talking to her about it. I also have to work on a booklet that Dr. Warneke gave me. But I have three months until I go back to see them so I have time to fill it out. I only have two questions left out of the whole thing anyways haha. 

One more thing before I go, the other day, I saved a small bird from my cat, Smokey. Whenever we got her ten years ago, she was on an acreage in the prairie, so it's still in her instinct to hunt small animals and she's quite good at it too. But with this bird, she just kept playing with it and she even sneaked it into the house! After Smokey caught a hold of it again by her food dish (she was running away from me) I picked her up and took her into the porch, where the bird flew away again. I ran after it and caught it before Smokey could. She got real pissed off with me then haha. But I held the bird in the sun and kept it warm while it recovered from it's shock. It was shaking for a while, but then suddenly it looked at me, then flew off once and for all. I guess it looked at me to say thank you? Either way I felt really good afterwards, even if Smokey was mad at me for a while. She got over it when she realized cuddles were more important haha. But yeah, just thought I would share that with you guys.